Really Bizarre Day today

It started a few weeks back. I have been getting these little episodes of what I call ‘inside tremors’. For a half hour or so it would feel like the inside of my body would shake.  I would take a couple Larazapam (as I was told to do by my doctor and then it would eventually subside) But today I got a full blown attack. I couldn’t function. I just walked around shaking all over. And my mind wouldn’t completely focus and I found it difficult to function. I ended up going to Southlake Regional Hospital. There I saw my doctor who I knew was on call. He took one look at me and saw me right away. He could tell I was in a bad way. I couldn’t stop shaking. And even though it was over 30 degrees outside I was shivering with cold. I was obviously having a bad reaction to the medications I was on. He sat down and made some changes for me. But even though I started them right away he said I could expect to feel bad like this for a few days yet.

I can’t tell you how awful it feels. I had to give the girls money and tell them to go to the store and buy their dinner as I was completely out of it. I tried explaining to them what was going on but I think they were concerned all the same. I hate scaring them or worrying them. I can’t sleep. I can’t sit still. I just pace around with a blanket around me trying to get warm. I think maybe it’s the stress of my new job. It’s not going as well as I had hoped it would but I’m sticking in there until I’m forced to leave. Although after today,….. I’m scared enough to realize that I live by my meds,… and not by what everyone else lives by. I have good days and bad days from all my medications. And today was the worse one yet.

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