family home up for sale

I got a call from my brother tonight. I immediately started shaking and got quite upset because we don’t talk at all. So I thought it was “the call”. You know, the one where your told that your parent (in this case my Mom) has been taken to hospital or worse yet passed away. That would have been the one and only reason that would get my brother G*** to ever talk to me again. But luckily, that wasn’t the case. He was calling to say that our Mom was not doing well (this I already knew) and just couldn’t look after herself anymore. She had asked my brother to find her a retirement home and then take care of the selling of her home. This is actually good news. I have been very worried about her in that big house all on her own. Being in a retirement home will give her all the help she will need and she’ll be thoroughly looked after. I am grateful for this.

But I was upset however that I was the last to know,… again. Apparently this all took place a few weeks ago. No one told me. I’m probably just being selfish but it really made me feel left out of the family. I’m now finding out from friends that they already knew too. Their parents living on my Moms street they saw the for sale sign, etc,… so now I’m really feeling left out. I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore. When your not even told your family home is up for sale then you really are out of the loop.

But that aside, because I probably really am being over sensitive,…. Hearing that this home is being sold really hit me hard. Who would think that selling the house I grew up in would upset me so badly? I think it has something to do with it being the only constant in my life when so much else around me was going wrong. When everyone, everything around me failed and/or left that house was always still there with my Mom in it. It was the one place I knew I could go if things got really, really bad. I don’t mean to live there,… I just mean to have a place to go to escape if only for a little bit. But now, that is gone. And if I’m to be honest and face facts, so too will my Mom be soon. When that happens I really will be a mess because aside from my daughters I have no one else. No husband, house, family, friends,… everyone has gone. Left out of my life. My Mom and my daughters are all I have left. Hayley lives at her Dads so it’s difficult to see her. (In Tottenham 300 km away) Michelle is now away at college so it’s really difficult to get out there to see her. (she’s been there since the beginning of September & I still haven’t managed to get out there – just too far of a drive 350 km away) Everyone is just so far away.

For 46 years my parents lived in that house in Brampton. They were always there for us. We had such a happy upbringing. So many great memories. Then in adulthood things started to fall apart for me. But my parents were always there – in that house – a sanctuary. My soft place to fall. And now that is being taken away. The one constant in my life I could always count on. A reminder that life doesn’t stand still. And that good things don’t last forever. It’s a sad day for me. A sad day indeed.

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