Working hard to get well after a set back

It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote because things have kind of fallen apart right now and I haven’t wanted to write about it. I had a “set back” that was serious and scary. I have debated whether or not to write about this at all because it is so serious and shows just how much I deteriorated. It’s going to be embarrassing and humiliating to write about but then I decided that the whole point of this blog is to let people know what a person who suffers with mental illness goes through. Good times and bad. So I’ve decided that making people aware of the bad stuff I have often gone through is just as important as sharing the good and positive stuff. So… With that said…

In short… I lost 4 days. I can’t recall them at all. Don’t know what I did or where I went or what happened. It was very bizarre and extremely frightening.

I had been to the doctor two weeks ago and she gave me 2 more medications to take on top of the Seroquel that I already take. I either had a reaction to the medication “cocktail” or maybe double dosed by accident? I don’t know. I just know I “lost it” ~ literally.

Luckily my brother came over at some point to check on me. I barely remember him being there but apparently he was worried so he had. I do remember hallucinating a couple of times which is always scary.  I kind of remember falling ~ hard ~ at some point (and felt sore for a few days afterwards) I mean we are talking BIZARRE and FRIGHTENING stuff here. I last remember June 28th ( a Tuesday) and then next memory is “coming to” on July 2nd ( a Saturday). I missed the whole Canada Day Long Weekend. I’m pretty sure it was a drug reaction so as soon as I was able I called my doctor and we talked about changing that. She also recognized that I’m not doing so well living on my own right now and having a difficult time just looking after myself. I had forgotten to pay my rent… deposit my cheque… pay bills… go grocery shopping… I couldn’t manage to do laundry or clean my apartment. Pretty much all I’m doing now is managing to shower and eat. I was very fortunate that my brother and sister-in-law recognized my struggle and they went grocery shopping for me. They have also been coming over regularly to check up on me and make sure I’m safe. But even though those 4 very frightening days have passed,… And I’m now better and safe, I’m still not really doing well. The doctor and I have discussed going into hospital but she is going to try calling the Trellis Mental Health Unit herself to get urgent care set up for me first. Going into hospital isn’t ideal as I have my cat to look after and bills to pay and cheques to deposit, etc,… So being able to stay at home is a better option for me. But obviously I have to do what is safe. So as it stands now, if she can get me care right away we will do that. But if they still can’t set me up with something in the next few weeks then I’ll have to think of going into the hospital.

So things aren’t great right now and I have put off blogging because I’m having such a difficult time coping doing even small stuff. Writing just felt too hard to do for a while. It still does.

So I’m concentrating on fighting hard to stay well and regain my life back once again. So to the people who have been emailing and facebooking asking why they haven’t heard from me, this is why. Please don’t feel offended or overlooked. I’m just finding it too hard to communicate right now. But I thank you all for your concern and care.



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