Having a much better few weeks

Well here we are at 11:11pm and I am not only awake ~ I’m wide awake,…. My usual insomnia just seems to be setting in as I feel a ‘second wind’ coming on. Honestly, why can’t I just sleep like a normal person????

I seem to be feeling much better than the last time I wrote. It would seem that it was a medication issue once again. But since I went to the doctor and got it adjusted I seem to be feeling a lot clearer and more focused. Unfortunately one of the biggest problems I find with people I talk to who have mental illnesses is the medication. Although medication can be an absolute life-saver for many mental health sufferers,… Until you actually stumble upon the right ‘cocktail’ of meds it can be a roller coaster ride of ups and downs trying to get the right dosage. I have struggled with this issue for many, many years. (and of course the added addiction in the last few years certainly didnt’ help at all). But even now,.. after being diagnosed with mental health issues for nearly 30 years, I never really have had a ‘great’ medication solution. It’s always been a ‘which is worse,… the illness or the side effects of the meds?’ with me. I think I am on the right course right now but we’re obviously still tweaking things here & there as my last “episode” proved. But as of today, I’m feeling rather good.

Therapy is going extremely well although very difficult and draining. Coming to some understanding about a whole lot of things and learning to make some changes. Whether they actually help or not remains to be seen but I’m at least feeling optimistic. It is drudging up terrible emotions from things that have happened in my life in the past. Things I have ‘stuffed down’ and covered up with addiction. (drugs can be a great emotional escape) But therapy is teaching me how to deal with these traumas. Of course dealing with them means ‘re-visiting’ them and that is definitely HARD work for me. I have always tended to just not deal and move on and as the famous Dr. Phil would say,… “Hows that working for you?,…” and quite obviously it’s not. So this therapy now is hopefully going to help. But I can see it’s going to be a long, up-hill battle. But for the first time in my life, I feel willing and able to do the work. Fingers crossed.

On a more positive note,… We have had a lovely taste of spring and that has certainly boosted my mood. I still have a difficult time going out and about but warmer, sunnier days makes it a little bit easier. My friend A***** and I are even going to go to a movie one night next week. It will be hard to do knowing I will be swarmed with PEOPLE, but I have a free pass and a great friend to do it with so “It’s definitely happening!!” Baby steps,… right?


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Anonymous
    May 03, 2012 @ 19:46:09



  2. Anonymous
    May 04, 2012 @ 22:37:35

    HI there… glad your doing better…. I guess i am very forturnate that my horrible past doesn’t effect me… child wise…. There are things no one knows but i have choosen to just have and attitude of WHATEVER …don’t know where that comes from…. and don’t ever want to know… I understand that not all people can handle such emotions…. I guess GOD has saved me from who knows what…Hope u can get thru your stuff,,, TAKE care….. I’m here for you.


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