Mourning yet another loss

 

 

depression

 

Well my heart just sank when I heard on the news that we have lost yet another person to addiction/mental illness.  The lovely and talented Country singer Mindy McCready. But really, It doesn’t matter who it was. Whether they were a celebrity or a member of our own community, This disease does not choose who it torments.I know a lot of people will be saying that she was selfish in not thinking of her sons and other family and friends. But when you are sick, your perception of reality just isn’t the same as healthy individuals. I have been in this situation. Your mind tells you that EVERYONE would be better off if you weren’t  here. You believe that nothing you do is positive or contributes in any way to our society. You just feel like you’re a drain on society’s resources because you can’t work and have to rely on others to support you. But most of all,… being mentally ill can be so painful at times it is unbearable and the only way you can see to finally end that pain is to end your life.

I had a therapist once tell me that “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” and in theory that does sound true. And for many people mental issues can occur only once or twice in your lifetime. But for others (like myself) mental illness is definitely not temporary. I have suffered with it for my whole adult life and unfortunately I can see that as I get older my problems are getting more severe and harder to control (a nice way of saying “harder to medicate”) and dealing with it can wear you down until you just don’t think you can take it for one more day.

Luckily for me I have support. The past 2 years I have had more support than I have ever had in my life. This helps. A lot. And because of this I can go to my family and tell them when I’m struggling and I know I will not be judged or criticized or made to think like I just want attention or drama. We just go back to my doctor together and try to figure things out to make it get better.

But for others, who just can’t take another day, another hour, another minute of the relentless pain that mental illness inflicts, they give up. Today, another person gave up the fight. My heart aches for her family. But please don’t think of her as selfish,… I rather like to think of them as “trapped” in their own mind and pain with no other option. Whatever the reason,… It’s a horrible, horrible, tragedy,….

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