Still fighting Mathilda

Well,… Mathilda is still with me. The past few weeks I have been struggling. Mostly I am just exhausted. All the time. Lethargic,… tired,… “just can’t seem to get a damn thing done” tired. Now I know that most mental health medications do cause fatigue. And I am on 4 of them. One in particular is still rather new to me. Number one symptom? tiredness. Now I don’t know why I have been feeling so sluggish. I’m leaning towards the medications as the culprit but can’t say for sure. All I know is that my “germ-free, absolutely spotless, OCD mind” is telling me to get up off my ass and get CLEANING! But I can’t. So I’m back to the war in my head. Need things spotless ~ but can’t because I’m so exhausted. It’s a battle that rages on and I don’t seem to be winning just now.

I haven’t been out at all except to go to Michelle’s for thanksgiving dinner  which was awesome and I had such a good day. And I popped over to The Captains house for a few minutes to catch up with my sister-in-law. But other than that,… I have been holding myself hostage in this apartment for the better part of a month now. I don’t even want to go out to get mail or put the garbage out. I have 4 bags of garbage and a ton of recycling by my door waiting for me to take it out. I have not done laundry,… or dishes,…. of cleaning,… I’m feeling a bit paralyzed in this sad, lethargic state. And I get so mad at myself for being this way. But I have been here before. Many, many times. And eventually I do get better. It’s all a waiting game with me. Ride out the bad and then get out and enjoy when I’m doing well. 

So that’s me for now. At least I was able to write in my blog today. Not much of an entry but it’s better than nothing. Hopefully tomorrow I can make myself get stuff done.



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