It’s been a sad ol’ week,….

In Memory of Kelly

In Memory of Kelly

It’s been a funny old week. Too much going on for this poor gal. First,… My biological Mother died this week. (October 26th) And even though I never actually met her, I did correspond with her through mail and phone.

For those of you who don’t my adoption story,… My Mom had me when she was 18 years old. We lived in Toronto in a small home that we shared with my Grandma, My mom, my aunt and 4 uncles. Mom and Grandma tried to keep me but things were very difficult. They didn’t have welfare and social assistance of any kind way back in 1963 so money was very tight, My Grandpa passed away years before I was born so my Grandma was a widow with 6 kids living in  such a tiny home. Things didn’t go well. And when I was a toddler I was put in a Foster home. My Mom and Grandma had to make that decision that I would be better off being adopted out of the Holyoak family. Obviously I was way too young to remember any of this so I had to learn about my first year from others. (Aunts and cousins etc,…) The rest as you all know is history,… I was adopted into the Morgan family and had a very happy, healthy and fulfilling childhood.

But when I was in my twenties I met my Aunt D (my moms sister) and we became really good friends. I am so grateful that I found my biological family.  In the end I learned a lot about them. But unfortunately she had to tell me that my Mom was living in British Columbia. So because of the distance between us we never got to meet. We wrote letters to each other and exchanged pictures and stories. I always hoped that I would someday get to meet her but sadly,… that will never happen now.

When D called me to let me know she had passed away I was shocked. I don’t know why. She had been ill over the summer but I thought she had gotten somewhat better. And in the last conversation I had had with D a few weeks before I had even mentioned to her that maybe now was the time for me to think about meeting her.

I didn’t know how I was suppose to feel. For the first few days I don’t think it felt real to me. But later I started to feel really sad about her passing. This was after all the person who gave me life. I was torn. I felt like I should be sad. But feeling sad made me feel like I was disrespecting the Morgan family. So the whole thing just left me in a haze of confusion. So I just tried to bury it and not even think about it. But as the week passed, I realized I couldn’t just bury it. So I finally allowed myself to “feel”  And feel I did.  By the time I got to the point of acknowledging her passing I was crying and feeling very low.

Her funeral is tomorrow. Obviously I will not be there as it will be held in BC. Part of me really wanted to be there though. But, it just wasn’t possible. But I will be thinking of her all day.

I feel bad for my Aunt D. She actually passed away on her birthday. And Kelly was her only sister. It’s just been a sad few weeks for all involved.

So Kelly,…. this blog entry is dedicated to you. May you rest in peace and find Grandma and the rest of our family waiting for you in heaven.

Advertisements

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Aunt Dee
    Nov 13, 2013 @ 20:07:36

    Finally found the strength to read your blog…. know how you love to blog…LOL…. it was lovely…. thank you…. for that….. I am so sorry things couldn’t have been different…. When we were reaching out to each other after so many years.. i think some of YOUR family had a real problem with that….but that’s OK…. glad you and Glen are getting along…. I am so sorry for anything problems I have caused from that…. Please let them know….. I will always be your Aunt to you and your gorgeous girls… willl never interfere….Let’s just alll get along….. Love you…. and don’t ever think our family never loved you…. What a mess ah…..LOL… On ward and upward…. thats what I say… I miss my sis…. so much…. our phone callls…but it is what is … Glad Tony got mom’s ashes… His care keeper Erin has been amazing… so much so didn’t know… And her friend Gail did so much…. cant even say….unbelieveable… I will be keeping in touch with them…. Love ya babe…. have a good nite….

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: