Dear Mathilda,…

 

Dear Mathilda;

Please go away,… Please let me at least enjoy my holidays,…

I’ve been quite well over the past few weeks. Christmas shopping,… decorating,… I was getting it all done. But for the past week I can feel myself slipping. I think it is partially due to my new regime of medications. Suddenly I am on twice the amount of my one drug that always leaves me so drowsy. I can’t seem to make it through the day without a nap. And I can feel the holiday spirit slipping away. (and I was so close too,…) My apartment is a mess. I sit in my chair and look around me in disgust. My overwhelming OCD thoughts are blaring out to me ~ clean,… clean,… get out the vacuum. Get out the cleaners. But I don’t. Too tired. Too out of it. I just can’t. I’m just so exhausted. And my mind ~ in a constant battle with itself over what to do. Sleep,… you need to get some sleep. But I need to clean,.. I am just so tired of it all. Yes, today is definitely a “Mathilda” day.

There are only 3 days left until Christmas. I am struggling hard to hold it all together.  I know that I will get through it. I just want to enjoy getting through it.

**sigh**

 

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