After Christmas Blues

After Christmas Blues

After Christmas Blues


The ice storm,… the blizzard,… the rain,… the snow,… The holidays are over and winter has come in like an avalanche. Yup,… it’s the after holiday  blues. I don’t think that I’m the only one feeling let down. I think it’s only natural to feel a bit empty after all the work from the holidays. The decorating, the shopping, the baking, the cooking,… I loved seeing friends and family, especially those I hadn’t seen in ages. It was a busy but happy time.

But now the festivities are all over. The weather has overtaken us with more snow than we’ve seen in many years and the temperatures have been frigid. So I have mostly stayed in my apartment. My cars wheels buried and frozen into the ice, it was hard to go anywhere even if I had wanted to. But I haven’t wanted to. I have felt my depression seeping back into my days. Struggling through Mathilda’s unwelcome arrival. Only to end up having a full-blown meltdown this week. I have been feeling a lot of stress the past while. I had set goals for myself a few months ago. The top priority being to get a job. I tried organizing everything I would need but that’s falling apart. Going through all the necessary steps I have just felt more panic than accomplishment. Full-blown, overwhelming panic. So much going on inside this head of mine. I feel like the stress of it all is going to explode. Making me do things I shouldn’t and not do the things I should ~  it’s all become so distressful.

Tomorrow I am driving up to Barrie to visit with Michelle. I’m hoping that will help my stress, and not add to it. Sometimes it wears me out all the driving I end up doing to see friends and family. It’s always nice to see my girls but the driving,…. ughh,…

And then if I still feel so depressed and paralyzed then I need to get back to the doctors. I feel like my life is a constant round of doctors appointments and medication. I hate that. But what else can you do if you want to stay well? I’ve learned to see the signs of negative change ~ and for years I didn’t see it ~ so that’s a good thing I guess. But just because I can see or feel myself slipping doesn’t make me better. It just makes me aware of its presence.

So that’s where we’re sitting now. In a mental struggle between me and Mathilda. And it sounds like a lot of work trying to get back to a some-what ‘normal’ state. I really, really do hate the after holiday blues,…..


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