I really need spring to arrive!

I think I write for all of us when I say that this snow is starting to get on everyone’s nerves! Cabin Fever has definitely set in. And with my apartment building not plowing properly my car has been stuck under mounds and mounds of snow so that I’d rather just stay in than go out and face the monumental task of shovelling it out. Roll on SRING!

Well my last blog entry wasn’t that positive so I thought I’d better try and pull up my boot straps and at least try to get threw this winter unscathed. So I’m happy to write that I took myself off to the doctors (Yet again!) and did some more medication tweaking (Yet again!) Too soon to tell as I haven’t even started the change yet but I’m hoping it does the trick. I finally have something to take for the fibromyalgia ~ which has been way out of control over the past month. Very painful. But I’m hoping that this new med will pull me out of this flare up so I can start functioning again. Time will tell,…

I think the other reason I got so low so quickly was that I had decided to finally go back to work and was trying to get all my ducks in a row to start that (resume, etc,…) But after talking about it with my Doctor she gently suggested that I am definitely not at a place for that to happen. In fact, she said I would probably never work full time ever again. Suggesting that maybe I should just volunteer for a few hours a week instead. She reminded me that in the past it has always been the same. I get a job,… I work for about a year,… then I start to fall apart because of my mental health concerns and I end up back in the hospital and losing that job. It’s a cycle I have had for 15 years. I just didn’t see it myself. It took my Doctor to come right out and tell it like it is. And she’s right. When I start to feel better I end up doing way too much and then crash. I think she was trying to tell me that I’m just too fragile right now for any of that. 😦  It makes me feel like less of a person than everyone else and I can’t help but sarcastically call myself a delicate little flower,… or “special” but I guess the truth is the truth. Accept and move on in a different and better direction. So, I think I’ll look for some volunteer work instead. Maybe at our hospital,.. or nursing homes,…

This alone has given me a bit of hope that everything will get a bit better for me now. When your dealing with multiple issues it can really wear you down and send you spiralling back into a depression. And that seems to be exactly what happened. So,… chin up,… tits out,… lets see what we can do about avoiding another ’bout of the dreaded black fog’ I don’t feel better yet. But I really will make an effort to work on it.

So many people have called and emailed and facebooked (Is that even a word?) I really wasn’t up to talking with anyone so I do apologize now for not getting back to anyone. Sometimes I just need a little time and space to work through the mental stuff before I can get social once again. But I was happy and touched to hear just how many of you cared and wanted to help.

Not much to say other than that so,…. lets hope next time I write things will be better.

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