There just isn’t enough coffee in the world,….

Today has pretty much been non-existing. My fatigue and interest in life right now is at an all time low. Even though I am trying to get to sleep early (for me that’s midnight) I still can’t get up in the morning until quite late. Today,… it was 2 in the afternoon. And even then,… I don’t feel rested. Just completely wiped out physically and emotionally.  I know things will get better soon but for now I’m just really frustrated with how I don’t have any control of my sleeping patterns or fatigue.

I have things I need to do. Just like the rest of the world I have chores and errands that need to get done. Right now I have no clean clothes but just don’t have the energy to lug my laundry up and down all those stairs in my apartment. My apt needs a good clean but can’t do that either. Today is my brothers birthday. My mind is so foggy lately that I just couldn’t pull myself together to even get him a card. I was there last night for dinner but it wasn’t the same because it wasn’t his birthday then. Now I’m freaking out because I should have at least dropped by to wish him a great day  but couldn’t muster up the energy. And Tuesday I am suppose to be driving up to Barrie to see Michelle but just the thought of 4 hours in a car has me drooping with fatigue.

Today just isn’t happening,… I get so angry that I have no control over my emotions. I just want to be like everyone else. Sleep during the night – wake up early and enjoy a full and prosperous day. But I just can’t seem to make that happen. I know a lot of it is the medication. And some of it is the illness itself. But knowing why doesn’t make life better. It’s really embarrassing for me that I’m so different than the rest of society. How can you respect someone and want to be in their lives when they can’t even stay awake.

So today I am having a very cranky pants day. I don’t always get this down but when your “stuck” it’s nearly impossible to get motivated and moving again. My mind just isn’t in it. My body just isn’t in it.


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