Sweet screaming monkeys,… The roller coaster rides again

anxiety girl

You don’t hear from me for ages and then 3 entries in one week. Kind of like my life right now. All over the place.

Still trying to keep positive. Things starting to happen for me though that are bringing on my anxiety. Not big things. I don’t need big problems to get me stuck in the up and down roller coaster ride of anxiety ~ anything can set me off.  Today I just had too many ‘errands’ to run. And of course, everywhere I went I ran into issues. Money issues (rent cheque bounced) car issues, even trying to plan visits to the girls is frustrating me. I’ve been cancelling and re:scheduling appointments all day. That doesn’t sit well with me. I need to know exactly what I’m doing and where and when I will be doing them well in advance so I can ‘psych’ myself up for them so I’m ready mentally. I do not like change!

When it all first started getting screwed up I really did slide right back into my panic mode. By late afternoon I just jumped in my car and took a drive to try and calm myself down. It some-what worked. But I have to say that after such a great birthday weekend of being spoiled and seeing old friends ~ It lifted me up. So I was in a better place to tackle my problems. I just keep telling myself that the struggle I’m in today is developing the strength I’ll need for tomorrow. I will not give up, or meltdown, or isolate myself away,… I will take stock of what needs to be done. I will prioritize each thing I need to do. I will keep calm and carry on,…

But damnit,… just once I’d like to just get things done like a normal person would. But that’s a tall order for me right now. I will just go back to baby steps. Because moving forward even with baby steps is still better than not moving forward at all.



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