Mathilda goes to the wedding

I’m stuck,… I can’t seem to get myself motivated even for just the little everyday stuff. It’s been like this for a few weeks now. I do get like this every once in awhile so the good news is I know it will eventually get better. But right now I am,… TIRED,…. shattered,… listless,…. These damn medications turn me into a slug.

Good news ~ bad news,…. The good news is that it would seem that my OCD medication is working. Even though I still count and do rituals and check everything,… My need for perfect germ-free cleanliness has subsided. Bad news with this is that I can’t clean right now and my apartment is a disaster. I need cleaning fairies and I need them now,… My mind wants it spotless but my body won’t cooperate.

Now for the social anxiety and the wedding.  My niece got married last Saturday. I was so excited about going as she is the first of all our kids to get married. I knew it would be difficult with my social anxiety but I prepared myself the best I could. My one daughter came with me which was a real big help. I didn’t have to walk into a room full of people by myself. I had so much fun. I can’t remember the last time I went to a big event like this (years,…) I did have a few drinks to calm the nerves but overall it was awesome and quite frankly, I’m proud of myself for forcing myself to go.

I did find that the build-up to the wedding was full of more anxiety than I thought. Once the wedding was over I just felt such a huge relief that it was done and over with (I don’t mean that in a bad way) So much so that I basically just collapsed in the freedom of my apartment knowing I could just hide there for a while until I felt recuperated. But here we are over a week later and I am still struggling with exhaustion.

The essential tremors are getting rather annoying. I told myself that as long as it wasn’t Parkinson’s I could live with that. But as it turns out there are a few things that are a real annoyance. The worst is the tremors in my legs. They get so strong that they make my legs feel very week and that makes it hard to go up and down stairs. The doctor says use a cane or go down the stairs on my bum. Yeah, well that ain’t happening. A cane?? I’m 51 ~ not 75.

So that’s where I stand at the moment. Not much of an exciting blog entry I’m afraid. I just feel too tired to put much effort into it. Here’s hoping that changes soon.



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. robbear13
    Nov 02, 2014 @ 20:26:22

    Congratulations on making it to the wedding! Especially since you had a good time.

    Taking a week to recover? Don’t worry. It takes me that much time, sometimes. And I don’t have social anxiety; I’m just an introvert, and being around a lot of people totally wears me out. I need days to recover from a big event.

    And wanting my days back? Yeah, I know all about that, too.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!


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