My Mind Is Messy Right Now


I went to my addiction therapist appointment today. It was good. The whole reason for going was to sort out my addiction and then find what would work best for me on recovery. She suggested 2 things. One is a “Relapse Prevention” program which is an 8 week program (going only once a week) that is held in Guelph. Unfortunately that group is full right now but she said sometimes people don’t show up or drop out so she will watch that space for me.  The second thing was to attend N/A Groups (Narcotics Anonymous). They are held all over this area from Orangeville over to Guelph. So that is exactly what I did. I went to a meeting.

Tonight’s meeting was in Orangeville which is about a half hour drive from here. I was so nervous about going that I was actually shaking. Walking into a room full of people who I don’t know fills me with terror. As I’ve mentioned before in this blog, I have a social anxiety disorder that I have been dealing with for quite a few years now. But I did it. It was nerve wracking. But in the end, the people were very nice and really seemed to want to be a support to me. I didn’t say very much except that I was new to the program and would have to learn the structure and ins and outs of the meeting and that I hoped they would be patient if I did or said anything wrong. I was so nervous my legs were actually trembling. They have said that I should really go to 90 meetings in 90 days. Wow,… I wasn’t expecting that. But the idea behind that is to immerse myself in my recovery so I would have a better chance of not relapsing. Because I live in a rural area its going to be difficult to even find a group each and every day. But I did commit to myself I would go to as many as I could.

I have to say, I am actually proud of myself for taking this step. It’s one thing to admit your an addict,… but it’s quite another to actually do the work to recover. I feel strong right now in my conviction to get better. It’s going to take dedication and hard work but I really do think I can do this.

I’m feeling very over-whelmed with all the different groups, appointments and therapy I have gone to, and will go to, since I came out of the hospital after my overdose. My mind is swirling with all the information I have taken in since. My mind is “messy” right now. I’m not sure how long its going to be before I feel different and can straiten things out in my head. But I’m willing to take all the time that it needs.

Today is my new beginning,….



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. robbear13
    May 30, 2015 @ 11:52:11

    Well done, Jacquie! You can do it. Um, actually, you CAN do it. (That’s better.)
    Blessings and Bear hugs!


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