My ridiculous life

I hate long weekends. Everyone is out and about doing their thing. Some go away for the weekend. Some just hang out with friends. Me? I will be alone. As you have read in my past few blog entries, socializing isn’t going to well for me at the moment. I’m definitely isolating. Being with people is getting harder instead of easier. I am so glad that I am clean and sober now, but, now other things in my life have gotten worse because of it. I can’t hide behind ‘mood altering substances’ anymore which has resulted in regressing backwards at some of the things I struggle with.

I want to be with people,… I just can’t leave my apartment to be with people,….

I am going to my brothers on Monday for my birthday. But that’s different. Their family. I’m comfortable with them. So I’m looking forward to it. It’s my N/A group Friday and Sunday nights I’m worried about. And now I have a new group which I will be starting on Wednesday afternoons at CMHA. All those people. I’m already worried and anxious about it.

I am so sick of being this way. It’s ridicules that I won’t even leave my apartment unless I have too. It’s ridiculous that I find it so difficult being around people. This whole social anxiety thing is ridiculous. My whole life is ridiculous. God, I just wished I was ‘normal’.

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