Roll on Spring!

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It’s been a great few weeks. Actually I’ve been feeling really happy and motivated for awhile now. I think the change of dosage on my meds has helped.I just don’t know the words to explain depression and how all consuming it is. It really does leave you ‘broken’ But for the first time in a very long time I have been able to escape that darkness and enjoy some happiness in my life. This is actually the longest time I have gone without any ‘episodes’ (hospitalizations)  I’m not saying life is perfect,… but the difference is that I am dealing with life better. I still have depression,… I still have fibromyalgia and the newest affliction the lovely tremor disorder I was recently been diagnosed with. I am still struggling to stay clean. But when you don’t have that thick black oppression hanging over you, It’s just so much easier to cope.

I have been going to bed early,… getting up early,… I have been going out a lot more. I have energy and motivation. I have started decorating again. (just painting really) and I would never have been able to do so much if my depression was active. It’s a little disconcerting because its been years since I have gone this long being ‘well’ and able to stay out of the hospital. I’m a little worried I will crash – soon and hard. That’s usually how it happens. I just wake up one morning and the whole mental illness thing has reared its ugly head out of nowhere usually sending me into a downward spiral that results in being admitted to the psych ward once again. I’m always looking over my shoulder when things are this good because I’m so afraid it won’t last.

But I’m going to be optimistic. Try and take care of myself and hope things stay so good.

I miss my girls a lot right now. The eldest daughter doesn’t drive so if I want to see her (in Barrie) I have to drive there. And right now  wouldn’t trust my car. The youngest daughter is so busy with work and school that she just doesn’t have the time to drive the 3 hours it would take to visit me here (shes in Lindsay). The same week she is finished school she is heading to the Bahamas for a school placement. I’m very proud of her but miss her terribly. I know our little chickies are suppose to leave the coop,… but I wasn’t done with them!!! I want them back. LOL I suppose this is something all parents go through. I just didn’t realize it would be so hard.

My gallbladder surgery is next month (April 15th) so I’m not looking forward to that. But at least I will have finished decorating my bedroom so I can have a bright and cheery recovery. I’m sure Maggie will be a great nurse to me while I get better. (my cat,…)

So,… right now,… Life is good. And I appreciate and feel blessed for every good day I have. Lets just hope they continue on for a very long time. 🙂

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. robbear13
    Mar 26, 2016 @ 01:29:24

    I’m so glad to hear that things are better. Way to go!

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

    Reply

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