Well it’s not very often I write a happy, up-beat post but today is gonna be that day,….
Living with chronic depression can be horrible. You never get to feel truly happy. You feel good,… or ok,… but never out and out beaming with happiness. I have struggled trying to live below this “happiness line” for many many years. It;s like you wake up and think life is okay,… not wonderful,… just ‘okay’.
But for the past 2 or 3 weeks, I have been feeling really, truly happy. Laugh out loud, crack myself up with my own jokes, happy!! (I really am a funny girl,…haha) I have absolutely no idea what has changed. I’ve had no medication changes,… or any particular situation,… so I really don’t know why after so many years I can finally feel “great”
I had a nice pre-Christmas get together with a couple of long-time friends last week and I had a wonderful time. I didn’t feel anxiety. I just felt happy to have them over and catch up on all their news. It was a great evening.
And, knowing that I won’t see Michelle on Christmas day, my awesome brother took a day off this past week-end to specifically drive me out to Barrie to spend the day with him and Michelle. It was a perfect day. I was bubbling over with happiness.
I am even waking up happy. (unheard of for me) I am suddenly feeling so much love and laughter. Feeling so grateful for all my family and friends that support me. ENJOYING every minute of my life right now.
This is usually a hard time of year for me. The anniversary of the twins birthday and deaths. I know I will be alone on Christmas day which should have me feeling really bummed. But I’m not. Because I know Christmas day will be different, I have made plans to distract myself by doing something enjoyable that day. I am going to have a pajama day and watch a marathon of a TV show I’m enjoying. I’ll cook myself something nice for dinner and just relax and enjoy the day – rather than dread it.
Depression,… I don’t know where you went but I am loving not having you around.