Toothaches, tiffs and a new apartment,..

The past week or so have been a little trying. First, I had an abscess in my tooth which was really painful. I don’t have to tell anyone how annoying the throbbing of tooth pain can be. I don’t have benefits so I was reluctant to go to the dentist but after a week I gave in and went. Abscess, he said. And it needs to be pulled. Wonderful. So I went on a round of antibiotics and was to get it pulled this Friday.

While this was going on I have been selling a lot of my stuff on our local buy and sell group. Every move I have made in the past 12 or so years has involved getting rid of my things. Moving into smaller and smaller places each move I have had to sell things as there wasn’t any room for them. I have already sold quite a bit. Today I was able to go and view my new apartment in the building where I will be moving. It is TINY,… So even though I have sold a lot, it looks like I’m going to have to sell even more. I feel like I’m selling my life away. At first it was liberating. Freeing almost. But now I’m going to have to start getting rid of stuff I really like so now its getting a bit sad. I’ve also been packing everyday. So I’ve been really busy.

This new apartment I’m moving into isn’t what I thought it was going to be. Its a social services move into affordable housing units. So when I went to see it, I realized that its mostly people with physical and mental disabilities. I ran into a lot of “Homewood” folk. It looks very institutional and sadly, I feel like I am actually moving into Homewood. There’s nothing cozy about it at all. In fact I’m going to be really embarrassed when people see it. It looks like a hospital. concrete floors,…etc,… I just can’t explain how un-homey it feels. So my heart sank and now I’m not anxious to move into it at all. in fact,.. My heart dropped and and now I’m just depressed about it all.

I also had a ‘conversation’ with someone I love and respect and this person really hurt my feelings. I am so disappointed. I let very few people into my life as past experience has shown me that they always leave. So the people I do let in our special to me. I don’t know if this is a thing that will blow over or if its going to be the end of a relationship ~ again. So today overall has been quite disheartening.  It’s 4:20 in the morning and I am just so depressed I haven’t been able to sleep at all. My mind won’t stop swirling about everything. I take everything to heart. And my anxiety doesn’t let my mind stop. I just go over and over everything until I’m really upset and get quite depressed.

Don’t know where life goes from here. I’ll just have to take each day one at a time.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. robbear13
    Jul 13, 2017 @ 07:07:51

    Sorry you are getting squeezed even more, Jacquie, and are ending up in “Homewood.” That isn’t good for anyone. During my depression, I felt I needed more space, not less. And certainly people who have never lived with “The Black Dog” (of depression) are not in a good place to advise us about what to do — even when they really hope to help us.

    Blessings as you try to keep your sanity and physical health, too!


  2. jacquie
    Jul 13, 2017 @ 18:30:09

    Thanks Robbear – I can always count on your thoughtful words of encouragement


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