Pot, Christmas & the married plumber


well its been 3 months since I last blogged so there may be a lot to say.

I’m just gonna come out and say it. I am smoking pot again. An addict is an addict is an addict,…. I have no desire or urge to take pills again but I really missed smoking my weed in the evenings. Through a mutual friend I found a guy I now get my weed from. This has turned into a relationship. I go visit him every Saturday to get my weed. We hang out. We listen to music,…watch TV,…. smoke a little weed and have some laughs. He’s a great guy and Saturdays have become one of my favorite days.

My doctor and my drug counselor and my group all know I went back to marijuana. I felt being honest was the best way to go. I know no one is happy about it. But at least its just weed.

In November I met a guy. We started dating and I really liked him. It was just nice to have someone in my life again. He went over the top spoiling me with dinners out, etc,…. He had a way of making me feel special. I thought maybe this could be something really great for me. But it wasn’t long before I discovered he was married. I was disappointed and hurt. And really embarrassed as so many people knew we were dating. Now how do I tell them he was married and I no longer see him. I feel really foolish. So no more Mr. married plumber,

My new medication has been working extremely well for me. (Well new as in many months ago now) I feel happy and content. I have been socializing much more than I ever have. In fact,… I’ve been quite ‘high’ I think I might have some of the symptoms for bipolar mania right now. Abnormally upbeat,  Increased activity and energy. Agitation. Not a lot of need for sleep. Making bad choices and decisions. Sometimes saying inappropriate things at the wrong time and place. Becoming fixated on certain aspects of my life. But I don’t care. I’m just so relieved to not feel depressed or have no energy or motivation for once. I’m just going to enjoy the ride and hope I come out the other side unscathed. It’s hard to know whats going on because their have been debates between doctors whether I am indeed bi-polar or not. Some say yes and some say no. (??) Who knows.  Maybe I’m just happy and not bipolar at all.

Well Christmas is coming in quickly. I have finished all of my shopping already. I am having Hayley here on Christmas Eve (Yes, she has now arrived back home from her year and a half in England ~ Cannot wait to see her!!) and then going to Michelle’s Christmas day. I already got an early Christmas prezzie from my brother and sister-in-law. Glen took me to see Jason Bonham. What an awesome concert that was. I have always wanted to see him play. And of course it’s the nearest I’ll get to seeing Led Zeppelin. It was a rockin good night.

And on to some sad news. In 2003 and 2004 I dated and lived with a guy named Rob. He was so awesome. He picked up the pieces after some very traumatic stuff going on in my life back then. (namely losing my girls and my home) He was so kind and caring and spoiled me rotten. We were very close. But when my separation agreement was finalized from my ex husband, part of it stipulated that I could not co-habitat with anyone else or I forfeit my spousal support which I needed very badly. Sadly I moved out into my own place. Rob and I lost touch. He is the last man I ever loved. I looked for him over the years but never could find him. It isn’t until now that I learn he commit suicide years ago. I was shocked to hear this. It broke my heart. And to make it worse, I can’t find anyone who can tell me what happened. Or where he is buried so I can at least go say good bye to him. It frustrates and saddens me that I’ll probably never know what happened and when. It has bothered me so much it’s all I can think about. Just so very sad.

So, that has been my life for the past few months.









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