Just not feeling it the past few weeks. Been hibernating inside my apartment again. Mathilda is definitely back. Can’t seem to get anything done. (cleaning, laundry, etc,..) because I just can’t seem to find any motivation at all. I’ve been here many times before on my roller coaster ride of mental illness. So I do know I won’t feel this way forever. I’m just on a ‘low’ right now. All I can do is hope it doesn’t last long ~ and in the meantime I am back to tiny baby steps. Today, I will have a shower,… do the dishes,…and drive to Walmart,… Just 3 goals to accomplish. Less anxiety this way. Less pressure.
I hate feeling this way. I feel so useless and lazy and a waste of space because all I do is hide away in my apartment where it is safe for me. Going out is too stressful at the moment. I do have to go to two appointments tomorrow which most people wouldn’t even think twice about going to ~ But I will have to really force myself to get out tomorrow whether I want to or not. I guess its back to putting the earphones on and listen to my Ipod while I do my shopping. (no one tends to bother with you when your listening to music) and then scurry on back home when I’m finished. My life is just that ridiculous right now. Again,… I just wish I was normal and could do normal things,… I really envy people who seem to have it all together.
Not much more to say really,…. Just going to have to wait it out until I start feeling better again.