I’m back

Wow, It’s been a long time since I last wrote. I’ve been under a lot of stress and have found the past few months quite difficult.

The good news is I am back at York Medical. I really missed it there so I’m thrilled to be back where I’m comfortable. The only downfall is the commute. (45 min. drive). The cost of gas is killing me having to drive this much now. 😦

I’m still struggling with what to do about my finances. I know in my heart I have to move from here as I just don’t make enough money to carry this house. But it makes me so sad as I love it here. I don’t want to go back to renting basement apartments (which is about all I can afford) but I’m just going into debt living here. The question now is when. I keep putting it off but I know I have to make the decision soon. I have such a heavy heart lately. Too much worry on these poor shoulders.  😦  Ain’t life grand???????

Happy Birthday to me

It seems to be a while since I wrote on this blog. It’s been a bad couple of weeks. I was unhappy at my new job and ended up leaving. But during all this I had plummet into a severe depression. If I wasn’t working, I was in bed. I know most people don’t understand the feeling of complete dysfunction. Unable to perform the simplest of tasks. But it’s like you have zero energy and feel hopeless. All I could do was sleep. I had been to my doctor three weeks before and he adjusted and added some medications for me. Usually it ‘kicks in’ much sooner but this time I felt horrible for a whole month. It wasn’t until today actually, that I finally felt like moving and going out. I think one of the things that set me off is knowing I’ve come to a head with my financial problems. It’s quite clear now that I just can’t afford this house anymore. I’m going deeper into debt with each passing month. But all I can afford is a small one bedroom apartment. Which leaves huge problems. Where does Michelle go? I can’t just abandon her and move. She doesn’t even have a room at her Dads house anymore. They changed it into a den just weeks after she left. Shes still in high school so she can’t afford to live on her own. I don’t have the heart to just abandon her. I also have a whole house full of stuff. Furniture, things,… I just can’t face having to sell it all. It’ll be heartbreaking to lose everything I worked so hard to get. So I really don’t know what to do. My nerves are shot. My stomach churns with stress. I hate that I just don’t have enough money to live. I hate it. And I really don’t want to go back to the noisy basement apartment living again. I’m so upset with the whole situation. And for the first time in a long time, I’m at a loss as to what to do.

 

On a better note, today was my birthday and My Mom and brother (and his family) and the girls and I went to the Mandarin for lunch. I never eat out so it was a huge treat for me. Not to mention it was just nice to see my family once again. It was a good day. One of the first good days I’ve had in a long, long time.

I am going back to York Medical to work!! I’m so relieved and happy. I loved that job. I knew it well and was good at it. So when they asked me back I was thrilled. Lets hope this will give me a bit of stability on the work front.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on enough,….