Great weekend

Just relaxing today. I had such a busy two days that I am exhausted. Went to 6 different towns and put 700 km on my car in less than 24 hrs. But I had such a great time.

There are people in your life that you think of as your ‘re-charge’ people. The ones that when you see them you just have such a nice time that it seems to re-charge your batteries. They make you feel like your life is good and you’re a lucky person to know them. In my life those people are my two girls Michelle and Hayley and my Aunt Doreen. I managed to see all three of them this weekend. First I drove to Alliston to pick Hayley up from school after her last exam. Then off to Tottenham to my new apartment so I could take some measurements. Then we drove to Newmarket where I had a specialist appointment with an allergists. Then on to Aurora to my Aunt Doreens where we spent the night. It always feels so good to me to just hang out with a couple of drinks and just catch up on each others lives. The next morning Hayley and I said good-bye to Doreen and then drove up to Barrie to visit with Michelle. It’s her “20th” birthday (today) so we wanted to be with her to celebrate. We all went shopping at the mall (what else do girls want to do???) with the 3 of us as well as Michelle’s roommate Jess. Then lunch and back to her apt. Of course before we knew it was time to leave. I had a lot of driving ahead of me and Michelle and Jess needed to get ready for their birthday evening (Dinner & bar). So I drove Hayley back home to Tottenham and then carried on home from there. Was sorry I didn’t get to squish a visit in to my Moms as well but by the time I drove through Fergus on the way home it was much too late for visitors at the retirement home so I just carried on. (Next time,…)

I got home quite late and just collapsed on the couch. TV and snuggles with Maggie and then off to bed. I was so shattered I didn’t wake up until noon this morning!! But the whole weekend has just got me even more excited to move. Being close to my family and friends again is going to be such a positive thing for me. I know it will help with the depression I’ve been struggling with for the past 2 years. Give me something to get up for each morning. So,… 25 days and counting,…. and I’ll be back in Tottenham. Life is good at the moment and no one can ask for more than that can they??

What a difference a tiny pill can make

For the past few weeks I have been feeling alive again. Anyone following this blog knows that I am moving in a month so I have been quite busy packing & sorting, etc,… I have been going to bed at a descent hour and waking up at a descent hour. I have felt motivated and productive.
Then 3 days ago I realized that I haven’t taken my medication for about 3 weeks. (How you can just “forget” to take meds for that long I have no idea but I managed to,…) So 3 days ago I started taking my 400 mg of Seroquel again.
And then,… bang,…. suddenly I am feeling exhausted all the time. I have been sleeping until after noon. I fight to keep my eyes open all day long. I drink 3 very large coffees instead of my usual one and I still feel groggy. I have no motivation what-so-ever. All I want to do is sit on the couch and stare at the TV. IT’S THE SEROQUEL!!!!! I have been having trouble with this medication for about 4 yrs now. When I’m off of it I feel alive & awake,… when I am on it, I feel like a complete zombie who can’t stay awake. It’s so frustrating.
Now I’m not sure what to do. I have no choice but to continue on packing this apt all up for my move but when I am on this med I can’t do that. No matter how badly I want to do it I just can’t. It’s like I’m experiencing a “body stone”. My mind is flat & depressed. My body like lead.
So I’m thinking of staying off meds until I have moved. (Feb 25th). I know it’s not good to be on and off your meds all the time but I think in this circumstance I just can’t afford to be sleeping all day and watching TV like a zombie when I’m awake. Getting ready for this move is a necessity I can’t screw up. And in order to be able to do it – I can’t take my Seroquel.
I have arranged to get set up with a new psychiatrist once I am settled in at the new place. They have said that they start out by giving me a 90 minute assessment so they can figure out where I am mentally. Once that’s done I am assigned a new doctor. I am actually looking forward to this because for the past 10 yrs I have moved so many times I have no continuity of care and therefore I keep getting these quick diagnoses given to me,.. then all new meds,… then I move and it starts all over again. I have been told I have a different  illness each time. I’m hoping that this time, I can be assessed properly and given a proper diagnosis. I just feel I need to “start from scratch” with a fresh perspective.
So knowing all this, I’m not so apt to be so worried about stopping my meds. I’ll just wait for the new doctor to take over and hopefully I will be given the proper medication at that time. (I don’t think the Seroquel has been helping me anyway)
This move is going to be a fresh start in a lot of different ways and the care of my mental illness will be a fresh start too.

letting go

Well it’s slowly getting done. Although today I did way too much. I think the hardest part of all of this has been going through all of my things and having to decide what to keep and what to throw/give away. You accumulate so much over a lifetime. Memories. Almost ever thing you own has a memory to it. And because this new apt will be so much smaller I am being forced to go through everything and decide just how important that item is to me. Some things were easy. Stuff you have in the back of your cupboards and closets that you haven’t seen in years. Pretty safe to discard all that. But I’ve had to cut my belongings down to about half. Think about that. Look around your home and picture it with half of your stuff gone. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Half your furniture. Half your clothes,… What would you choose? There have been days that I have had a bunch of stuff layed out on the floor and I have actually cried because I just don’t want to part with a lot of it. But I have no choice. There just isn’t room for it at the new place. It was like throwing away memories. I know people say it’s just stuff and you don’t need it. But I have parted with all my crystal,… all my china,… half of my kitchen. My favorite lounge chair,… a whole spare room of furniture and stuff I hoped I could keep for a long time. But a lot of it is already gone. Every load I take to the charity shop is hard. And I’ve done 9 so far. ~ sigh ~ I never dreamed I would have to give away things I wanted my children to have. (They’ve taken some stuff but not as much as I’d hope)

So over the past 2 or 3 weeks I have been taking my time. Every day I sort through a cupboard,… a closet,… and keep some, and discard some,… I pack a box or two a day. I go to the charity shop every few days. I run to the dumpster once a week. Bit by bit I am getting it done. I’m sure once I have finished and I am settled into the new place I won’t miss the stuff I had to get rid of. That’s the beauty of “stuff’ I guess. It is just “stuff” and you eventually forget all about it. But actually doing the ‘getting rid’ has been a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. Memories,….

The fibromyalgia has flared up some too since I started. All that lifting and carrying, etc,… so I’m going to slow down a bit from here on in. I have plenty of time because I started this so early. (The Virgo in me I guess) Last time I moved it was so quick. I had 17 days to find a place and pack a whole townhouse and be out. I don’t want to have to feel that pressure again. Luckily I have a lot longer this time. Besides I already have a lot done. So I think I can slack off a bit now. Just a box or two a day now. Not having the pressure actually lets me enjoy the anticipation of knowing I’ll be back around my kids soon. I’m sooooo going to enjoy that and take full advantage of it. Hayley and I have already made a ton of plans. 🙂

So, Now I’ve had my little moan about how sad it is to discard. I won’t think about it again. It’s done. So now,… I just look forward. Onwards and upwards. Isn’t that what they say? So I’m moving on.

Good start to the New Year

Well I took the apartment that I went to look at on Friday. It was the only apt I could find even remotely in the Tottenham area. And as luck would have it, It’s only one side road over from the girls. Couldn’t believe my luck there. On a nice day we could walk to each others places. It’s a basement apt in a country home. It’s not perfect (as reflected in the low price) but I don’t care. Just being back near Michelle and Hayley is all that matters. It’s quite dirty and will need a good scrub (nothing a little elbow grease can’t cure) and there’s NO STORAGE at all. No closet for my clothes. The appliances look like there 40 yrs old. Theres not enough kitchen cabinet space,… (need I go on ~ You get the picture) But I really don’t care. Everything will work out in the end. It usually does.

The guy still has to move all his stuff out of there and theres still a few odd obs to be done so I won’t be moving in until the end of February. But thats ok because packing is taking a bit longer than I had hoped. With every box I pack I realize just how much work is ahead of me. But I try and do a bit each day. The worst job is trying to find boxes. Driving around every other day or so collecting boxes from around town. I’m surprised at how many places don’t have any. But I’m making do.

My fibromyalgia has flarred up. I kind of expected that as all this packing is pretty physical work. Hot baths and Tylenol!!!! I just push through as I know theres an end to it all and it will get better later.

So all in all,… things are good right now. I’m glad. I’m just hoping that this luck continues.

So far 2011 is going well

Wow, I had forgotten just how stressful moving can be. It’s not so much the packing. It’s trying to find a place. And one where the dates of my 60 day notice here and their availability date coincide. So far everything I looked at will be gone by my April 1st 2011 date of leaving here when my lease is up. It’s really been stressing me out. So i went down to my landlords and begged them to let me change my date to March 1st instead of April 1st. At first they said they couldn’t but after begging (yes, I’m not above begging,…) They finally agreed to let me change my moving date to March. This is great and will be so much more helpful to me.

I saw an apt today in Tottenham. The price is perfect. Plus it includes all my internet/tv/etc,… so it would be about $300.00 cheaper a month. I called right away and made an apt to view it tomorrow. The pictures look beautiful. But I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high as I know anything can happen when apt hunting. (Pictures look better than actual apt,… Landlords dont’ accept my application,…etc,…) So I am trying to just stay calm and just hope for the best. So tomorrow I guess I am making that dreaded 3½ hr drive again. I’m just praying the weather holds and we don’t end up with a rotten snow storm or something that will make the drive horrible. Fingers crossed. The good thing is, no matter what happens with the apt,… at least I will be able to see Hayley for a bit. Haven’t seen her in ages and miss her terribly. (Michelle’s away at college so won’t get to see her.) So the trip will not be wasted time no matter what. And if there’s enough time I can swing by Elora and see my Mom. I’m pretty sure I can. That will be great as I haven’t seen her in her new retirement home yet.

So, ending this here. Will blog again when I have news. WISH ME LUCK!!