It’s been a while

Wow, I just noticed it’s been over a month since I last wrote on here. I guess there’s just been so much going on.

I guess the first thing is I am fostering a cat at the moment. Her name is Maggie May Mittens.

 

I didn’t think I would ever be able to have another cat again due to my allergies but I found out there is a way to ‘de-sensitize’ yourself which I’m doing now. You get allergy shots over a period of time and that allows you to become immune to the dander and hair that makes you allergic. (or at least minimize them enough that it’s not a serious problem) Sadly, I didn’t learn about this until recently so I feel really, really bad about having to put down StudMuffin and kiara. They were having other problems too so it wasn’t just my allergies but still, I tear up every time I think about them. Maggie is a sweet little thing. But she’s not as affectionate as my StudMuffin (who sat on my lap all the time – and snuggled up in bed next to me) Shes friendlier than Kiara but not nearly as much as StudMuffin. In short, she is a cat. She does what she wants, when she wants and wherever she wants. (StudMuffin was like a dog – Just wanted you all the time) But, she’s growing on me the longer I have her 🙂 

Over the past months that I have been living out here in St. Thomas I have been feeling like there’s a big hole in my life. I am REALLY missing Michelle and Hayley. I knew that financially I had no choice but to move farther away, but in reality, It’s really hard not being near to them. I miss seeing them all the time. Even if it was just having them running in and out in their busy lives. It’s not the same. So I am feeling quite lonely without them. I’ve been doing some looking on the internet and have found that I may be able to afford to move to Barrie which is about a 45 minute drive north of Tottenham. I don’t know how I missed it when looking for a place last year. But, It would cost me a lot to move. (I know – as you all know – I move a lot) I estimate it would cost about $2,500.00. ( Most of the expense is hiring the moving company) This would be an ideal solution to not being closer but I don’t have even CLOSE to that amount of money so it’s really not feasible. Michelle will be off to college next year anyway so who knows where she’ll be living. But Hayley will have another two yrs of school so will be in Tottenham for the next few years. It would have been really nice to have been that much nearer to her.  The other problem would be the actual ‘physical’ move. I have moved so many times that I just don’t know if I can face packing everything all back up again. I always end up doing it all by myself. (Yeah I know, where’s my family at but they wouldn’t dream of helping me) And with my Fibromyalgia it is HARD, hard work! So all of this has been playing in my mind for the past month or two. I want so badly to do it, but realistically, it’s just not going to happen. 😦

And then there’s Christmas. I have no idea what is going to happen for the holidays this year. If my Mom does not go to Glens (my brother), then I feel like I have to go to her and spend the week there in Brampton. I don’t want her to be alone. And the way Glen complains about Mom I can’t see him inviting her there so I’m pretty sure I’ll be the one at her house. Which isn’t bad. The girls could come to me there. (Hayley won’t spend the holiday with her Dad – end of apparently) But, then where does Doreen fit in? I always go to Doreen now ever since the Morgans ‘divorced’ me in 2003. She was ALWAYs there for me. And I enjoy being there. I don’t want to let her down but I can’t be in two places at once. And then, there’s the weather. I have to drive the 401 highway. And driving through Woodstock is famous for the bad weather ‘snow belt’. It can be very treacherous at times and if it does decide to blizzard I won’t be going anywhere for Christmas!! There’s just no choice there. It’s way too dangerous to drive it.

So all of this stuff is swimming around in my head. I’m a Virgo. I like everything planned down to the last detail! I like to know exactly what is happening and with all this stuff? I don’t have any control over what will happen and things might not get planned until the last few days! I don’t like that! I know I should just sit back and chill as what’s going to happen is going to happen,… But I can’t.

And the moving thing? I want to see my girls. And I want to see a lot of them. (Not just every 4 weeks or so) but it’s not going to happen and that drives me crazy. I think about it all the time. Where can I get the money? How can I physically do it with the Fibromylgia flaring up again? It just frustrates me that I just CAN’T. And I know I have no choice but to wait another year. (My apt lease comes up every April 1st) So i guess I can’t go until 2011.  😦  And every time I think about that, it makes me get all teary for missing the girls so much.

Re-reading all of this it’s really quite boring isn’t it? Oh well. That is my life right now and it may not be exciting but there it is,…. Life is just that,… Life,…. You just have to roll with it I guess.