Counting your blessings

Just a short blog today. I had a really nice Christmas this year. I love my family so much and getting to spend Christmas with them all was so much fun. Forget all the driving I had to do,… forget the ice storm. Forget the money,… Being with my girls,… my brother & his family and my Aunt Doreen and her family made up for absolutely everything.

My life hasn’t been easy with all my health problems. I spent many holidays alone for many of the past 10 years. But this year,…. It was awesome. I loved the chaos and loudness of having Michelle and Hayley here. (took me two days to clean up after them once they left,…LOL) I loved going to The Captains (Glen) and his family Christmas eve. And I loved driving to Aurora to spend Christmas Day with my Aunt Doreen. I am well and truly blessed.

My health managed to behave itself. Very little shaking/trembling. And for the most part because I knew everyone so well I was comfortable rather than overwhelmed.

So the next time my health takes a dip and I start getting ill again ~ I will just think of this Christmas. All the love shared by my family and the great time we all had. Because in my life you count all your blessings and don’t dwell on the illness.

 

Dear Mathilda,…

 

Dear Mathilda;

Please go away,… Please let me at least enjoy my holidays,…

I’ve been quite well over the past few weeks. Christmas shopping,… decorating,… I was getting it all done. But for the past week I can feel myself slipping. I think it is partially due to my new regime of medications. Suddenly I am on twice the amount of my one drug that always leaves me so drowsy. I can’t seem to make it through the day without a nap. And I can feel the holiday spirit slipping away. (and I was so close too,…) My apartment is a mess. I sit in my chair and look around me in disgust. My overwhelming OCD thoughts are blaring out to me ~ clean,… clean,… get out the vacuum. Get out the cleaners. But I don’t. Too tired. Too out of it. I just can’t. I’m just so exhausted. And my mind ~ in a constant battle with itself over what to do. Sleep,… you need to get some sleep. But I need to clean,.. I am just so tired of it all. Yes, today is definitely a “Mathilda” day.

There are only 3 days left until Christmas. I am struggling hard to hold it all together.  I know that I will get through it. I just want to enjoy getting through it.

**sigh**

 

Onwards and upwards

I know the past couple of entries have been quite negative. I think all the side-effects from my medications can bring me down. So sometimes you have to just kick yourself in the ass and try harder.

Today my friend ****** came over. I met her while in the hospital. Many of our issues are the same so I always enjoy spending time with her. I don’t have to pretend and I can completely be myself. And sometimes just being reminded that your not the worst off can be a good thing. After all, I do have many, many things that I am thankful for. So we both sat with coffee and treats and just vented to each other. I find that this helps. By the end of the afternoon I was in much better spirits.

At my last Doctors appointment she tweaked my medication some and even though its not a huge difference, there is some difference for the better. My shaking and tremors have lightened up a little so that at least I can do some things again. I’m still not comfortable around people as I get quite embarrassed about my shakes, but anything that is getting better instead of worse is always a good thing. After ****** left I felt “lighter”

I’m hoping that this mood lasts as with the holiday season approaching it would be nice to enjoy it rather than stress out about it. So I just want to look forward to Christmas now. The tree is up. And believe it or not my Christmas shopping is 90% done. (yay me!) I tried to get things done early so I wouldn’t have to go to any malls or stores after December 1st as all the people freak me out and I have anxiety attacks.

I’m hoping to drive to Barrie on Thursday to take Michelle shopping and once that’s done,… I am staying away from anything retail. Instead I will stay in my cozy little apartment and relax and try not to let anything get to me. Yup,… Onwards and upwards. I just do what I can and try not to feel guilty about the things I can’t do. So roll on Christmas,… I am ready for you now.